Festi Survival Guide: and other notes.
Disclaimer: This post is not to say that we are experts of festival going by any means. However, collectively we have hit our fair share of scenes and festivals around the globe within the past decade. We’ve had our mishaps and fuckups – along with some unforgettably great times. So as the season begins to swing into overdrive, we thought we would reflect on our most epic fails and brightest moments to bring you some insights that may or may not be helpful, pertinent or slightly entertaining.
Bring Good Shoes. Bring your cute shoes too. But it is inevitable that your more trendy footwear will give you blisters, and/or people will step on your toes countlessly, and/or your sandals will break from all of your stanky leg dance moves. Although they get a bit hot, boots are always a good option. They allow you to do the shit kicking on other people’s toes, they minimize the dirt and grime and spilled beer factor on your toes, and they always feel best going into the night time!
Sunglasses, Sunscreen, Things to hide from the sun in. Don’t forget the Baby 50+SPF. Sunburnt leg chaffing come day 2 is enough to call your mom in Iowa to come airlift you from center stage.
Salt. Not literally. But if you’re skimping out on packing a full cooler make sure you at least bring some electrolytes and nuts. A can of peanuts has the protein and salt to save you from extinction in the most unfortunate of situations.
Earplugs are your friend. That ringing in your head at the end of the night, is permanent ear damage! Protect your ears at festivals to hear the music at a normal decibel. Also, you can use them when you sleep! Bang!! Double usage! Hello, sanity.
Baby Wipes. Late in the day, those porta-potties have nothing but shit and piss and little to help you contribute. Baby wipes are good for anything and should be savored, adored and brought everywhere.
HEIR TIP: Jumpers/ Rompers are not festival friendly. As cute and “easy” as they may appear it can be quite traumatizing when someone walks in on you in one of those out door shitters bare ass naked because you had to drop full trou just to tinkle.
Gallons of Water. If all you packed was water and forgot everything else, I would still be proud of you. In a cooler, pack 4 big gallons of water, with 3 of them frozen. Just do it.
HEIR TIP: Bring a headlamp (because they are useful) and wrap it around your gallon jug at night with the light shining inward to create a lamp in your tent. You will look super cool and that guy/girl is definitely going to sleep with you now.
Emergen-C. Berocca. Advil. If you actually plan on drinking or doing drugs, make sure you have some next day remedy. I like coconut water or Berocca. There is no point to get so hungover you can’t make it out the next day (or being hung in the extreme heat). You might just save someone else too! Doesn’t that feel good?
Always have duct tape. Duct tape is like tea for Moroccan people or Windex for the Greeks; it fixes everything! Holes in tents, broken shoes, drunk people tripping over your stuff, drunk people tripping into your tent, taping things to poles to find your friends, ditch effort pubic waxing, makeshift clothing and the list goes on.
Don’t forget a trash bag! Come on, clean up after yourself.
Do not pack any glass. They won’t let it in or it will get taken later and it sucks when all of a sudden some guy with some sense of authority takes your booze and your pickles. Life without pickles? Pack responsibly.
Sleep Comforts. Don’t skimp on your sleeping comforts. Bring all that you require for a sound night of sleep. If that is a blow up mattress, two firm pillows and your baby blanket? Then, you go girl! Sleep is the crux to a good time at a festival; make it something you look forward to. I recommend lavender oil, Chinese face masks and Hello Kitty pajamas to really set the mood. Get into it, don’t neglect your routines.
Before you hit the road double check all suitcases, bags, pockets and wallets for:
Your tickets! No we’re not fucking kidding. Getting half way from LA to Palm Springs in horrid and hyped up Coachella traffic to realize you have to “U-ie” back to the City of Angels is no joke.
Without sounding too much like your mom: Your wallet flush with ID, Credit Cards and lots of Cash. Treat it as if you’re traveling to a foreign country. Bring enough cash that you momentarily see yourself as Floyd Mayweather, and bring an emergency CC. For ya know, emergencies. There is a 99% chance that the line at the ATM will be outrageous, they will get taped out, or as once witnessed, some wookie will try to break into them on the last day of the festival to pay for his weekends worth of drugs, making it slightly miserable for everyone to get home in one piece or with enough gas money.
Phone. As if you ever put it down anyway? But don’t forget a car-charger and a solar or battery charger.
HEIR TIP: If your phone dies or there is no service (which is notoriously how things go) have everyone in your crew’s cell number WRITTEN DOWN on a piece of paper in your wallet! Why? Do you know everyone’s number by heart? If you don’t and someone is nice enough to lend you their working phone to call them…you’re fucked. You’ve got no one to call, but your mom.
HEIR TIP II: Make sure you timestamp your texts. “Meet me in 2 hours at the entrance. 5:42 pm.” This can be super helpful with spotty service and skirt the unfortunate mishap of missing Rihanna while you wait for Jennifer at the water station. (But you wouldn’t let that happen anyway, right?)
An Extra Set of Car Keys This may just be my karma, but it rarely happens that I go to a festival and don’t either A) Lock my keys in said car I would like to drive out of here in, or B) Lose my keys within the three days of debauchery and skimpy sleep patterns. There are a lot of things you will want to keep locked in your car. The coming and going from your car with a festival brain is kind of a recipe for disaster. AAA can’t always find you in these remote festival settings and there is no worse feeling than being stranded at festivals end, tired, alone and scared. So don’t be a boob like me, bring an extra set of keys and leave them somewhere responsible and thoughtful, tell someone where you are putting them.
When you arrive at the Festival:
Note the landscape of where you parked/ set up camp. Look for a marker to reference later, or make one yourself!
Make sure you hide any valuables and have all of the shit listed above and YOUR KEYS IN YOUR MF HAND BEFORE YOU LOCK YOUR CAR! Ok. Point made.
Once inside the festival, everybody agree on a designated “HomeBase” – where if you get separated, you can all meet up there as a last attempt.
Finally, when you’re back in the car– pack some dry shoes, socks, undies and t-shirt. It feels so good to put on clean clothes for the (usually long) journey back home.
We hope you have the most amazing festival season! We are either super jealous of wherever you may be or we will be seeing you on the battlegrounds!